Dear Friends,
When I performed a poem to close the final day of the 2025 San Francisco Writers Conference, the crowd went wild, largely because my poem commented wittily on our mutual experience of staying in a flooded hotel with no electricity, and because the poem was based on “Like a G6” by Far East Movement.
Find that poem below.
This year my conference poem, based on one of the most famous Bob Dylan songs, was met with silent respect and polite applause.
Pretty Good Stories
For the Minnesota heroes of Alex Pretti, Renée Good, and Bob Dylan
Come writers and poets,
Let’s pick up our pens.
Men in black masks
Are harassing our friends.
Sharpen your hearing
And narrow your lens
Upon a frozen purgatory.
Read Dickens’ book about
The worst of times again,
For we need your pretty good stories.
Totalitarianism
Is not welcome here.
They’re attacking the nurses,
The Blacks, and the queers.
Schoolchildren and poets
Are running in fear,
For compliance feels mandatory,
But if we’d all just read the latest
Change the World book by Nina Amir,
We’d prepare our pretty good stories.
Yeah, thanks Dr. Andy,
But we’re in the Hyatt Hotel.
My insular writing loft
Is far from the groundswell.
I’d have to check with my writing group
And my new agent as well.
My writing’s not typically derogatory.
I say stay glued to your keyboard
And couch as long as you tell
Your own pretty good story.
You crime writers
Should write about crimes.
You historical novelists
Can stay far from the front lines.
We chroniclers know how
To shift paradigms.
You might just find glory
In criticizing what you do understand.
Our imaginations make this our time
To tell some pretty good stories.
Like UC Davis students and UC Davis faculty, writers conference attendees get younger and younger every year (at least relative to me). Despite the recent Oscar-nominated biopic, many young people know generally about Bob Dylan the way that you know about Scott Joplin.
Today I am headed to campus to consult with faculty of an entire department to discuss the ways they can AI-proof their writing assignments. As Dylan said, “the slow one will later be fast,” and a great number of my faculty colleagues feel like they are in the slow lane.
But because of my bonus work duties today, this week’s newsletter features two poems and minimal analysis. Enjoy.
A Domino of Disasters –
The Poem for the 2025 San Francisco Writers Conference
By Dr. Andy Jones
Flippin’ pages in the dark, reading thrillers
When the lights flickered out, we got chiller
The dragons in my book, they wield magic
Writers reading in the dark, under glow sticks
Under glow sticks, under glow sticks
I’m practicing my pitch under glow sticks
Under glow sticks, under glow sticks
I’m choosing stronger verbs under glow sticks
All the linens in this place, they’ve gone missing
The plumber in the crawl space yells the fountain is a hissing
The lobby is a mire beset by dehumidifiers
There’s a poet on her knees helping with her hair dryer
Fire Drill, Fire Drill
Light it up, glow stick-light it up
When poets start recitin’, they be actin’ like they tough
The jazz night poets all be actin’ like they tough
And all the novelists around me, they be acting like they stuck
Under glow sticks, under glow sticks
I can’t charge my phone with my glow sticks
With my glow sticks, with my glow sticks
I’m taking a cold shower with my glow sticks
We have falling dominos of disaster
We need a working mic for the quizmaster
She’s from Ithaca, he’s from Madagascar
The basement engineer is staring up at the plaster
The writing that we do is worth the hardship
We come here for a lift, for the kinship
We’ll make our readers read, we’ll make them click
On our funny stories about writing under glow sticks
The rain won’t return until almost midnight tonight, so I hope you can join me outside for the pub quiz this evening. The beer hall will be filled with a private party, so plan to bundle up! Come early to reserve a table. The regulars and irregulars will meet for the social event of the week featuring 31 questions on a variety of topics you should know something about, this week with questions on music performed in your lifetime. Today’s pub quiz comes in at a svelte 930 words.
In addition to topics raised above and below, expect questions tonight on the following: flowers, homes, nouns that are not pronouns, book days, temperatures, city drops, kingdoms, social media, Robin Williams projects, universities, cities that are difficult to pronounce, peaceniks, giants of American literature, grandmothers, job umbers, reading habits, rains, short actors, novellas, philosophers, great Scots, Lords, RIAA certifications, exiting barrels, domesticated and wild animals, varieties of sources, short appearances, cryogenics, Texans, the frequency of love, old rivalries, bells, umbrellas, fast creatures, UNESCO, pop charts, U.S. states, geography, current events, and Shakespeare.
For more Pub Quiz fun, please subscribe via Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/yourquizmaster.
Thanks to all the new players joining us at the live quizzes and to all the patrons who have been enjoying fresh Pub Quiz content. Certain friends have upgraded their memberships recently, which I really appreciate.
We are almost to 100 Patreon members now, including people who have upgraded their paid memberships! You know who you are, and I salute you! I also incidentally salute Christine, Bobby, Esther, James, Damian, Jim, and Meebles! Thanks also to new subscribers Prescott, Bill and Diane, Tamara, Megan, Michael, Janet, Jasmine, Joey, Carly, The X-Ennial Falcons, and The Nevergiveruppers! Every week I check the Patreon to see if there is someone new to thank. Maybe next week it will be you! I also thank The Original Vincibles, Summer Brains, Still Here for the Shakesbeer, The Outside Agitators, John Poirier’s team Quizimodo, Gena Harper, the conversationally entertaining dinner companions and bakers of marvelous and healthy treats, The Mavens. Hello to Bill and to Jude’s dad. Thanks in particular to my paid subscribers on Substack. Thanks to everyone who supports the Pub Quiz on Patreon. I would love to add your name or that of your team to the list of pub quiz boosters. Also, I sometimes remember to add an extra hint on Patreon. I appreciate your backing this pub quiz project of mine!
I also want to recognize those who visit my Substack the most often, including Michael (thanks Michael!), Luna, Jean, Ron, Myrna, Maria, to whom I send sustained compassion.
Best,
Dr. Andy
Three questions from last week:
- Film. What three words do Christopher Nolan’s two highest-grossing films have in common?
- Youth Culture. Before seeing Shrek’s face for the first time, Fiona asks, “What kind of knight are you?” Shrek responds with a four-word phrase starting with the letter O. What is it?
- Countries of the World. What country has coastlines on the Mediterranean Sea to the north and the Atlantic Ocean to the west, and has land borders with Algeria to the east, and the disputed territory of Western Sahara to the south?