When I moved to London in 1987, everything I owned had to fit into a single rucksack. Somehow a Billy Joel cassette made the cut.
In London, I met and shared a room with a beautiful woman named Kate, who has now been my wife for almost 34 years. But before all that happened, before marriage and children and all the rest, I remember worrying that my Billy Joel cassette would not help my case
I actually remember thinking, “Should I have brought music by The Velvet Underground, or The Cure, or Hüsker Dü, even though I don’t listen to any of those bands, as if taste were something you could just swap out at customs?”
As a poet, I recognize the music of Billy Joel’s lines, the exactness of the characters, the humor and heartbreak. I recognize the craft hiding inside his popular ballads.
The year before I moved to London, I saw Billy Joel in concert at the Worcester Centrum in Massachusetts. A friend and I loved the music so much that at some point we stood up to dance.
Isn’t that what one does at a concert? Apparently not in our section; the man behind us told us that if we wanted to dance, we should go to a different part of the auditorium. We sat down.
Then Billy Joel started playing “Only the Good Die Young,” and everyone left their seats to dance. I remember looking over my shoulder and smiling at the man behind us, as if to say, “What are you going to do now, bub?”
One of the compensations of getting older is that we no longer have to pretend to like the music we think will impress other people.
I listened to my LP of The Stranger over and over. I still listen to “Vienna,” “Only the Good Die Young,” and “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant,” even though these days I drink neither a bottle of red nor a bottle of white.
And the older I get, the sadder “Piano Man” sounds to me.
When I was younger, I heard the singalong. I heard the harmonica. I heard the crowd in Worcester roaring at the line, “Man, what are you doing here?” All of us were asking the same question: What was a songwriter that talented doing in a piano bar?
Now I hear the thwarted lives.
The regular crowd shuffles in. The old man makes love to his tonic and gin. John at the bar dreams of being a movie star. Davey is still in the Navy and probably will be for life. Paul never had time for a wife.
The song sounds cheerful because people are singing along, but almost everyone in it has become stuck in a past they can’t escape. This brings me to a certain hotel in Monterey.
Over Juneteenth weekend, Kate and I made our plans late, and so we were unable to stay at one of our favorite Monterey hotels, so we stayed at a sad little inn that had seen its glory days decades before.
I will not name it and thus perhaps hurt the feelings of the owners, who already know what the place needs.
It needs paint, updated bathrooms, repaired mirrors, and a showerhead that struck me squarely at the breastbone. I am reasonably tall, but no grown adult should have to crouch to wash their hair.
I began thinking about the sadness of “Piano Man,” about people and places past their prime. Nostalgia can become a kind of deferred maintenance. The inn had its own chorus of regulars: the faucet, the wallpaper, the barricaded balconies, and the scarred mirror.
The New York Times may not consider Billy Joel one of the hundred greatest American songwriters, but I recognize that nearly forty years after I worried about bringing his cassette to London, I’m still learning from him.
Ridiculous premises sometimes make room for real affection. I still like the song. I still like Monterey. I even felt a little tenderness for the inn, just not enough to stay there again.
Here, then, with apologies to Billy Joel, is The Monterey Neglected Inn Blues.
The Monterey Neglected Inn Blues
It’s check-in time on a Saturday,
And the fog’s rolling in from the bay,
There’s a smile at the desk and a whiff of old must,
And a carpet that’s faded to gray.
Well, the brochure still talks about luxury,
And the photos are as bright as can be,
But the paint’s peeling off and the shutters all cough,
Like they’re begging for early release.
Sing us a sad song, you Neglected Inn,
Sing us a tune from your prime.
You were charming once,
Maybe back when you launched,
But you’ve fallen behind with the times.
Now the bathroom’s a study in sadness,
With a faucet that drips through the night,
And the mirror’s so scarred that it’s hard to regard
If it’s me or a trick of the light.
There’s a shower that groans like a sea lion,
And a toilet that leans to one side,
And the grout in the tile had been crumbling a while
until it simply got tired and died.
Sing us a sad song, you Neglected Inn,
Sing us a tune from your prime.
Your towels are thin and your wallpaper’s grim,
And your glory has faded with time.
There’s a painting that hangs in the hallway,
Showing schooners and sunsets and cheer,
But the frame’s coming loose and the ice machine’s truce
With the cold ended sometime last year.
And the walls have the charm of old history,
Though the windows don’t open at all,
And the lamp by the bed sheds a flickering dread
On a crack running down through the wall.
Sing us a sad song, Neglected Inn,
You’ve been coasting on memories,
So a fresh coat of paint and some mirrors that ain’t
From the Hoover administration, please.
Every Pub Quiz is like a mid-week vacation for me — I look forward to seeing you and your teams this evening. Join us on the patio if you can get a reservation or arrive early enough. As for the quiz, expect 31 questions on a variety of topics you should know something about, this week with questions on individual locations. My walking friend Bill suggested a number of topics that will come up tonight or on future Wednesdays.
In addition to topics raised above and below, expect questions tonight on the following: Action films, advertising slogans, American history, soccer, apples, beverages, blockbuster actors, box office stars, British politics, California history, calendar patterns, Captain America, children, comedians, conventions, East Coast education, exaltations, exits, fancy outfits, fans, farms, fish, French geography, girls, golf history, insurance, lights, major music releases, mothers, novelists, opening numbers, outer space, playwrights, pop singers, prestige television, rays, Shakespearean holidays, snivel, sob stories, South America, superheroes, Washington, D.C., wines, wordplay, work, current events, and Shakespeare.
For more Pub Quiz fun, please subscribe via Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/yourquizmaster.
Thanks to all the new players joining us at the live quizzes and to all the patrons who have been enjoying fresh Pub Quiz content. Certain friends have upgraded their memberships recently, which I really appreciate.
We are now past 100 Patreon members, including people who have upgraded their paid memberships! You know who you are, and I salute you! I also incidentally salute Cathy, Christine, Bobby, Esther, James, Damian, Jim, and Meebles! Thanks also to new subscribers Prescott, Bill and Diane, Tamara, Megan, Michael, Janet, Jasmine, Joey, Carly, The X-Ennial Falcons, and The Nevergiveruppers! Every week I check the Patreon to see if there is someone new to thank. Maybe next week it will be you! I also thank The Original Vincibles, Summer Brains, Still Here for the Shakesbeer, The Outside Agitators, John Poirier’s team Quizimodo, Gena Harper, the conversationally entertaining dinner companions and bakers of marvelous and healthy treats, The Mavens. Hello to Bill and to Jude’s dad. Thanks in particular to my paid subscribers on Substack. Thanks to everyone who supports the Pub Quiz on Patreon. I would love to add your name or that of your team to the list of pub quiz boosters. Also, I sometimes remember to add an extra hint on Patreon. I appreciate your backing this pub quiz project of mine!
Best,
Dr. Andy
Three questions from last week’s pub quiz:
- Mottos and Slogans. Known as “The Voice of the West,” the San Francisco Chronicle’s weekday newsstand price is the same as that of The Sacramento Bee. Rounded off to the nearest dollar, what is that price?
- Internet Culture. Starting with an R, what maker of streaming devices has Fox Corp. recently agreed to buy for $22 billion?
- Newspaper Headlines. The new Obama Presidential Center is found in which south side of Chicago park: Garfield Park, Jackson Park, or Lincoln Park?